The Pissed Off Tree Rat

As some of you may already know The POTR is expecting another addition to my pack/tribe/party/nest/nuclear unit any day now.  Now it appears my wife frowns on the concept of my being totally monkey stomped drunk when she goes into labor needing a ride to the hospital.  So looking at the mean and nasty consequences of a drunk driving offense, and a thoroughly pissed off wife in labor, I’ve had to break one of my beer commandments.  In particular the “NEVER SHALL YOU DRINK FAKE BEER!”.  So with that in mind I researched far and wide for the least repulsive NA beer I could find.

OK, the research actually consisted of a few internet search engine queries and a call to the local beer stores.  After pinging a few of my trusted beer sites, I turned up one I had never heard of call Kaliber.  It’s made by Guinness and has a cool name reminding me of guns and zombie slaying sooooo it was to the phone for me.  I called the local beer store:

RING RING

Clerk- Hello, so and so booze retailer, can I help you?

POTR- Yup, I’m looking for a non-alcoholic beer called Kaliber, with a K, from Guinness.

Clerk- Yeah………

POTR- Well do you have it?

Clerk- Yes we do.

POTR- I’m guessing you have a case collecting dust on a shelf, based on the fact that who would buy it right?

Clerk- Yes, but we do sell a bit of it actually.  We keep it stocked in the chiller.

POTR- Really?  People actually buy this crap regularly?  (I may have said ‘shit’, it’s kinda fuzzy as I had been drinking Sam Adams most of the day……)

Clerk- Sure do.

POTR- OK, really, is it any good?

Clerk- How would I know?  I’m allowed to drink real beer.  (It may have actually been another more polite comment, but as I said I was a tad buzzed at the time.)

POTR- Well that said, will this stuff make me hurl or what?  I mean, I drank Sharps once (ON A DARE I SWARE!) and had suicidal thoughts immediate after I did it.

Clerk- Naw people like it.

POTR- I’m coming by tomorrow to pick up a six.  If I hurl I’m gonna come after you man!

Clerk- Yes Sir.  See you tomorrow.

HANG UP

Well I took the leap and bought a 2 six packs.  I had a football game this weekend and was ready to get a fake buzz on.  The football game sucked ass, and thanks for never bringing that up again!

Bottom line, on the bottom, was that I was actually surprised by it’s decent taste.  Kaliber actually tasted more like real beer than Bud, Bud Light, Miller Light and the other domestic piss beers.  I’m not going to drone on with color, body and the like.  I’ll refer you to the link below for some more astute comments. 

I will say it is a rather impressive NA that I would drink in a bar if cursed with DD duty for the night.

See some real reviews in the Beeradvocate:

“The beer emerges from the 12 ounce bottle a limpid gold with a depleted semi-creamy white head that evaporates leaving a patchy coating of lace to almost cover the glass. Nose is sweet malted grain, fresh and crisp to the senses, start lightly sweet with a decent grain presence, top is light in feel. Finish is prickly in its acidity, the hops present and light as one would expect, quite dry aftertaste, a drinkable brew for its type.”

“Poured a nice light copper color and clear. Highly carbonated with a thick whipped-cream head. Smell was sweet caramel, though not all that beer-like and had something unpleasant that I can’t quite put my finger on. Huskiness/astringency, maybe? Flavor was similar; really sweet with some huskiness. Some malt was there, but not much. Body was medium. Mouthfeel wasn’t bad, and can’t really find much fault in the drinkability.”

This entry was posted on 17 December 2007 at 1:51 pm and is filed under Beer with tags Beer, guinness, kaliber. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.