The Pissed Off Tree Rat

The following recommended Holiday training plan, for you and your loved ones, is proved courtesy of “Sand Man” and his dedicated warriors of the Zombie Emergency Response Operations (ZERO) – Kansas Scout Detachment.   They continue to stay on the lookout for the undead menace 24/7 so you can buy your iPads free from fear of getting eaten.  Many thanks my brothers!   Don’t forget to read below the fold for the handy documentation your employers may require for legal reasons.

- The POTR 

ZOMBIE ATTACK

Disaster Preparedness Simulation Exercise

 Purpose

 The purpose of this exercise is to evaluate current doctrine for responding to a zombie attack and/or outbreak in a city/town or community.

Participants

  City/Township Police Department

 Local Government Agencies

 State EOC officials

 Representatives from local business and Church organizations

 Local Emergency managers

 EHS emergency planning representative city/town

 Local Zombie Response Teams[1]

 Process

 This exercise is centered around a single event: a table-top exercise in which the science (e.g. neurobiology) of “zombieism,” or zombie behavior spectrum disorder[2] (ZBSD) will be discussed and the stages of an outbreak identified, with follow-on discussion of how an outbreak of zombie attacks might affect maintaining support for the campus course management system. This disaster exercise may draw upon the Campus Closure Exercise (DR4) current in the preparations stage.

 Discussion

 Clearly the national, international media and the government of the United States have begun paying attention to the possibility of an outbreak of zombie behavior spectrum disorder.[3]   The Center for Disease Control (CDC) and police agencies (i.e., the Boston Police Department) around the nation are starting to pay attention to the possibility of zombie outbreak or attacks and are addressing citizen notification concerns.[4]

Point in fact, it is clear that the science behind ZBSD is not fully understood with little hard evidence to support outbreaks other than witnesses as a result attempts to study zombie behavior are not always accurate, leading to confusion in accurately identifying a true zombie during an outbreak.[5]  In this exercise no attempt will be made to distinguish between true Zombieism and other racial forms of behavior, outbreaks having somewhat similar affects on the general population that may fill out the full scope of the zombie behavior spectrum.   For this exercise, it will be assumed that the affects of attacks by flesh-eating individuals, accompanied by the rapid spread of ZBSD due to bites and scratches that do not result in the immediate death and in some cases the consumption of victims are Zombies.

Part 1 of this exercise will be the identification of characteristics of a zombie outbreak that would most likely precede an announced outbreak notification by local or city officials. These might include but not limited to:

a. Disappearance of isolated citizens;

b. Increasing numbers of unexplained deaths and disappearances;

c. Identification of difficult to kill (especially to the body), flesh-eating perpetrators;

d. Recognition that the numbers of perpetrators is rapidly increasing and that those previously identified as victims has reappeared as perpetrators;

e. Increasing isolation of survivors;

f. Breakdown of peace-keeping and medical services, due to spread of ZBSD;

Part 2 of the exercise will be a discussion of how the overall impact of a zombie outbreak will affect use of current doctrine “Zombie Survival Guide” and methods to combat and effectively address such issues as:

a. Generally, zombified users will be inarticulate and unable to clearly describe technology problems and use cases;

b. Some support staff may be infected and unable to effectively and efficiently carry out their support responsibilities;

c. The rapid breakdown of civil society and declining numbers of uninfected users may have adverse budget impacts resulting in a reduction in staffing levels;

d. The spread of ZBSD to institutional administration may complicate policy making;

Phase 3 of the exercise will cover important operational topics such as:

 Proper hygiene during an outbreak;

 Most effective hiding places and refuges should you encounter zombies at home;

 Situational work practices such as covering windows, barricading doors, and distinguishing between zombie moans and other moaning encountered in the workplace;

 Dispelling myths.  For example, contrary to Lawrence (2007),[6] garlic will not stop true zombies, only vampires; and zombies do come out during the day, though they are most active a night because they typically do not like sunlight;

 Policies and procedures for dispatching an infected co-worker.

Anticipated Outcomes

 1.  Better understanding and identification of Zombie Behavior Syndrome and Zombie Behavior

Spectrum Disorder will increase timely implementation of effective response strategies in the event of a zombie attack situation;

2.  Increased readiness of population centers for staff and planners against zombie outbreak situations including necessary security and personal protection practices and policies;

3. Enhanced ability to maintain emergency services in the event of an outbreak;

4. Decreased transition time due to Zombie identification of outbreaks to move from standard emergency operations to ZBSD operations;

5. Development of a formal ELS zombie outbreak plan

a. Other city/town or community agencies may need to develop their own ZBSD plans;

6. Improved efficiency and economies of scale in the process of identifying and dispatching ZBSD

infected co-workers.

Tentative Action Items

  Equip all staff offices with “blackout curtains” to prevent identifying worker locations to zombies;

 Equip all offices with easily barricaded doors able to withstand prolonged zombie incursion

attempts;

 Equip staff with laptops and ensure internet communication, tested, and working for staff who

may find commuting to work to be difficult;

 Equip all staff with long range (e.g. rifles) and short range (e.g. hand guns) firearms or other weaponry (e.g. chain saws, baseball bats) for defense against the infected and to dispatch possibly infected co-workers.[7]

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