The Pissed Off Tree Rat » Guns

Proper Kit for the Zombie Pandemic

marcusatrocious — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 19:09:27 +0000

Just a short ditty for inspiration.

Marcus

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil

The Pissed Off Tree Rat — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 10:37:55 +0000

Why? Cause I’m a damn Zombie Hunter that’s fraking why!

I have God, and Zess (ain’t she pretty?), by my side.

What do you got Freaks?

Be prepared or be eaten. It ain’t just a motto, it’s a way of life.

-The POTR

What do I have to say about the new year?

The Pissed Off Tree Rat — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 20:31:51 +0000

After the 12 months of suck that was “2011″ I just have to say, FRAK IT AND BRING IT ON 2012.

We are gonna have it all, you Freaks, and you know what we can take it. We are the steel that will bend but not break. We will stand the line and hold back the hordes of Chaos at our gate.

We will stride across the world with beers and black rifles in hand laughing in the face of absurdity.

Stock up for the ends of times cause we got:

1. Election mayhem

2. New North Korean government changes (with nukes)

3. Iranian mass psychosis of the Lost Imam who-fell-down-a-well-or-something (with nukes)

4. Mayan Apocalypse countdown

5. Dissolution of the EU

6. Iraq’s civil war

7. Syrian civil war

8. Unemployment / social malaise / and fiscal insecurities translating into urban violace

9. Rising fuel prices and continued American refusal to develop our own natural resources till it’s jut too damn late.

10. The Zombies are coming……………. So be prepared or be eaten.

Your Holiday PSA: Disaster Preparedness Simulation Exercise – ZOMBIE ATTACK

The Pissed Off Tree Rat — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 20:52:53 +0000

The following recommended Holiday training plan, for you and your loved ones, is proved courtesy of “Sand Man” and his dedicated warriors of the Zombie Emergency Response Operations (ZERO) – Kansas Scout Detachment. They continue to stay on the lookout for the undead menace 24/7 so you can buy your iPads free from fear of getting eaten. Many thanks my brothers! Don’t forget to read below the fold for the handy documentation your employers may require for legal reasons.

- The POTR

ZOMBIE ATTACK

Disaster Preparedness Simulation Exercise

Purpose

The purpose of this exercise is to evaluate current doctrine for responding to a zombie attack and/or outbreak in a city/town or community.

Participants

 City/Township Police Department

 Local Government Agencies

 State EOC officials

 Representatives from local business and Church organizations

 Local Emergency managers

 EHS emergency planning representative city/town

 Local Zombie Response Teams[1]

Process

This exercise is centered around a single event: a table-top exercise in which the science (e.g. neurobiology) of “zombieism,” or zombie behavior spectrum disorder[2] (ZBSD) will be discussed and the stages of an outbreak identified, with follow-on discussion of how an outbreak of zombie attacks might affect maintaining support for the campus course management system. This disaster exercise may draw upon the Campus Closure Exercise (DR4) current in the preparations stage.

Discussion

Clearly the national, international media and the government of the United States have begun paying attention to the possibility of an outbreak of zombie behavior spectrum disorder.[3] The Center for Disease Control (CDC) and police agencies (i.e., the Boston Police Department) around the nation are starting to pay attention to the possibility of zombie outbreak or attacks and are addressing citizen notification concerns.[4]

Point in fact, it is clear that the science behind ZBSD is not fully understood with little hard evidence to support outbreaks other than witnesses as a result attempts to study zombie behavior are not always accurate, leading to confusion in accurately identifying a true zombie during an outbreak.[5] In this exercise no attempt will be made to distinguish between true Zombieism and other racial forms of behavior, outbreaks having somewhat similar affects on the general population that may fill out the full scope of the zombie behavior spectrum. For this exercise, it will be assumed that the affects of attacks by flesh-eating individuals, accompanied by the rapid spread of ZBSD due to bites and scratches that do not result in the immediate death and in some cases the consumption of victims are Zombies.

Part 1 of this exercise will be the identification of characteristics of a zombie outbreak that would most likely precede an announced outbreak notification by local or city officials. These might include but not limited to:

a. Disappearance of isolated citizens;

b. Increasing numbers of unexplained deaths and disappearances;

c. Identification of difficult to kill (especially to the body), flesh-eating perpetrators;

d. Recognition that the numbers of perpetrators is rapidly increasing and that those previously identified as victims has reappeared as perpetrators;

e. Increasing isolation of survivors;

f. Breakdown of peace-keeping and medical services, due to spread of ZBSD;

Part 2 of the exercise will be a discussion of how the overall impact of a zombie outbreak will affect use of current doctrine “Zombie Survival Guide” and methods to combat and effectively address such issues as:

a. Generally, zombified users will be inarticulate and unable to clearly describe technology problems and use cases;

b. Some support staff may be infected and unable to effectively and efficiently carry out their support responsibilities;

c. The rapid breakdown of civil society and declining numbers of uninfected users may have adverse budget impacts resulting in a reduction in staffing levels;

d. The spread of ZBSD to institutional administration may complicate policy making;

Phase 3 of the exercise will cover important operational topics such as:

 Proper hygiene during an outbreak;

 Most effective hiding places and refuges should you encounter zombies at home;

 Situational work practices such as covering windows, barricading doors, and distinguishing between zombie moans and other moaning encountered in the workplace;

 Dispelling myths. For example, contrary to Lawrence (2007),[6] garlic will not stop true zombies, only vampires; and zombies do come out during the day, though they are most active a night because they typically do not like sunlight;

 Policies and procedures for dispatching an infected co-worker.

Anticipated Outcomes

1. Better understanding and identification of Zombie Behavior Syndrome and Zombie Behavior

Spectrum Disorder will increase timely implementation of effective response strategies in the event of a zombie attack situation;

2. Increased readiness of population centers for staff and planners against zombie outbreak situations including necessary security and personal protection practices and policies;

3. Enhanced ability to maintain emergency services in the event of an outbreak;

4. Decreased transition time due to Zombie identification of outbreaks to move from standard emergency operations to ZBSD operations;

5. Development of a formal ELS zombie outbreak plan

a. Other city/town or community agencies may need to develop their own ZBSD plans;

6. Improved efficiency and economies of scale in the process of identifying and dispatching ZBSD

infected co-workers.

Tentative Action Items

 Equip all staff offices with “blackout curtains” to prevent identifying worker locations to zombies;

 Equip all offices with easily barricaded doors able to withstand prolonged zombie incursion

attempts;

 Equip staff with laptops and ensure internet communication, tested, and working for staff who

may find commuting to work to be difficult;

 Equip all staff with long range (e.g. rifles) and short range (e.g. hand guns) firearms or other weaponry (e.g. chain saws, baseball bats) for defense against the infected and to dispatch possibly infected co-workers.[7]

INFECTED CO-WORKER TERMINATION FORM

Personal Information

Name: ___________________________________________________________ ___________

Work Phone: _________________ Work Address: _________________________________________

Work Department/Unit: _________________________________________________________________

Incident Information

Date of Incident: ___________________ Location: _________________________________________

This is to verify that at the time and place indicated above I was required to kill _____________________

(last name)

_____________________, because he / she was displaying the following

(last name) (if known)

symptoms of ZBSD, or Zombie Behavior Spectrum Disorder (check all that apply):

_____ headache _____ fever

_____ chills _____ other flu-like symptoms

_____ unresponsive to most stimuli _____ moaning

_____ references to wanting to eat brains _____ recently dead but moving again

_____ large areas of decaying flesh or open wounds

_____ lack of rational thought (this can cause problems confusing zombies with managers)

_____ killed and ate another employee: _____________________________________________

(name and unit of other employee)

Based on these symptoms I killed ____________________________________________ using a:

(name of dispatched zombie)

_____ handgun _____ rifle

_____ shotgun _____ baseball bat

_____ chainsaw _____ piece of furniture

_____ explosive device – _________________________________________________________

(describe device)

_____ other – _________________________________________________________________

(describe)

Dispatching Employee Signature: _________________________________________________________

Witnesses:

_____________________ _____________________ ______________ ________________________

(last name) (first name) (unit)

______________________________________________________________

(witness signature)

_____________________ _____________________ ______________ ________________________

(last name) (first name) (unit)

______________________________________________________________

(witness signature)

_____________________ _____________________ ______________ ________________________

(last name) (first name) (unit)

______________________________________________________________

(witness signature)

DO NOT WRITE BELOW THIS LINE – TO BE COMPLETED BY CITY/TOWN ADMINISTRATION

Reviewed by: ________________________________________ _____________________________

(name) (title)

Dispatch is: _____ Approved

_____ Physical plant has been notified to send housekeeping for cleanup

_____ Employee has been sent additional ammunition (as appropriate)

_____ HR has been notified to stop salary payments to dispatched employee and victims (if any)

Dispatch is: _____ Not Approved

_____ Physical plant has been notified to send housekeeping for cleanup

_____ Employee supervisor has been notified to write letter of reprimand for employee file

_____ HR has been notified to stop salary payments to dispatched employee and victims (if any)

_____ This is a first offence [If this is a repeat offence, employee supervisor should be notified to initiate

termination procedures. Improperly dispatching UF employees shall receive little toleration.]

SOURCES:

The Zombie Survival Guide, written by American author Max Brooks and published in 2003, is a survival manual dealing with the fictional potentiality of a zombie attack. It contains detailed plans for the average citizen to survive zombie uprisings of varying intensity and reach, and describes “cases” of zombie outbreaks in history, including an interpretation of Roanoke Colony. The Zombie Survival Guide was also featured on The New York Times Best Sellers list.

http://www.zombiesurvivaleffort.com/ Zombie/Post-Apocalyptic Survival Effort

http://www.zombiehub.com/zombie-survival-kit.html Zombie Survival Kit / Emergency Survival Kit

http://www.bt.cdc.gov/socialmedia/zombies_blog.asp Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, CDC 24/7: Saving lives, protecting people, reducing health costs.

[1]Such teams exist through volunteer groups (retired military, retired government officials and Rednecks). These groups normally operate websites and are locally known.

[2]This term used in this paper was originally coined for the University of Florida and for the purpose of this exercise it will be used as a descriptive term not yet embraced by the scientific community. Therefore, the phrase zombie behavior spectrum disorder or ZBSD must not be identified as a scientific or medical diagnosis; simply a descriptive term covering a wide variety of behaviors normally seen in Zombie behavior. It describes a specific behavior providing disaster planning exercises realism and is used to exhibit specific dynamics of divergent outbreak behavior patterns for the exercise. Book “Zombie Survival Guide,” 1989.

[3]See the documentary studies, Night of the Living Dead (Romero, 1968), Day of the Dead (Romero, 1985), Dawn of the Dead (Romero, 1978), 28 Days Later (Boyle, 2002), Day of the Dead (Miner, 2008), Dead Snow (Wirkola, 2009), et al. For an alternative interpretation on Zombieism and survivor response patterns consult Shawn of the Dead (Wright, 2004) which addresses some of the issues related to dating during an outbreak of ZBS (see below). See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_zombie_films for a more complete bibliography of Zombie Studies documentaries

[4]http://www.buzzfeed.com/expresident/boston-police-zombie-defense

[5]http://io9.com/5286145/a-harvard-psychiatrist-explains-zombie-neurobiology. In this analysis of zombie behavior patterns, Harvard Psychiatrist Dr. Steven C. Schlozman argues conclusively that the “infected” in the study 28 Days Later could not be zombies because they possess, “some sort of higher cortical function going on that allows them to hunt humans.” Furthermore, “the fake zombies in 28 Days Later exhibit fluidity of motion. They can run, jump, climb and quickly change direction – activities that the true … zombies [portrayed in the studies by leading Zombie researcher Oscar Romero] are incapable of performing.”

[6]Lawrence, F. (2007). I Am Legend. In this documentary study of a ZBSD outbreak in New York City and surrounding areas, Lawrence asserts that the zombies were effectively deterred by garlic. However, it can be argued that the infected analyzed in Lawrence’s study were not, in fact, zombies at all due to their conscious hunting behavior, inability to come out during the day, and volitional, fluid movement. Hence, Lawrence may not be portraying ZBSD at all but part of what may be considered zombie behavior spectrum disorder; in which some infected not at the “true zombie” part of the spectrum (cf. Schlozman, op cit. fn 4) may in fact be deterred by the smell or presence of garlic. However, it is not the purpose of this disaster preparedness exercise to enter into this scholarly discussion.

[7]Some employees may prefer weapons such as chain saws, baseball bats, and explosives that have been shown to be effective against zombies. Given the stress on staff to be anticipated during a zombie

outbreak, employees should be given the flexibility to choose their own weaponry thereby diminishing anxiety. However, the University will need to consider the savings gained at economies of scale as well as enhanced ability to support a standard anti-zombie weapons “kit.”

End of the World Thought #2

The Pissed Off Tree Rat — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 16:48:42 +0000

End of the World Thought #2: So when I buy a house and meet my new neighbors what do I think about “I really want to live next to these good folks and help them in the coming apocalypse.” or “If I burn down their house would I have improved fields of fire from my roof?”……………

End of the World Thought #1

The Pissed Off Tree Rat — Sat, 26 Nov 2011 15:29:57 +0000

I know everyone wants me to revive the Happy Friday Beer Hotties, I will, but I’ve been driven to start a new thread of simply my “end of the world thoughts”. On a whim I decided to read up on 2012 this weekend. OK I was drunk and looking for hot chicks online and my browser brought up “2012 Apocalypse” instead of “2012 Alabama Cheerleaders”. But I digress. Did you know that in 2012 we have some bad mystical stuff coming our way? Apparently, according to the internet at least, the following events will occur at a minimum:

The Mayan renewal of the world/apocalypse, the suns poles flipping/apocalypse, the Age of Aquarius/apocalypse, the Book of Revelations Eros Asteroid arrival/apocalypse, the Prophecy of the Popes and the 111th Pope/apocalypse, King Solomon-Gog-Magog- and the 2012 Apocalypse/apocalypse, the Ezekiel apocalypse, The Four Horsemen of The Apocalypse/apocalypse, Nostradamus and the 3rd and final Anti-Christ/apocalypse, super volcanoes, and last but not least the ever non-comprehensible Numerology and the Symbolism of 2012/apocalypse.

That’s allot of of apocalypse to fit into 12 months Freaks. So needless to say I have some thoughts on the matters and today I give you the first.

End of the World Thought #1: If the Apocalypse does not include Zombies then I have a crapload of all the wrong ammo.

Happy Eallra Hālgena ǣfen (Halloween) 2011 you Freaks!

The Pissed Off Tree Rat — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 12:54:09 +0000

Well folk’s it’s that time of year again and my 2010 post on this day still stands strong!

My mags are full and it’s time to bag me some fresh Eallra Hālgena ǣfen Zombies.

I, for one, will be following the BASIC ZOMBIE RULES FOR EVERYMAN USE tonight:

10. Don’t set zombies on fire. Burning zombies smell terrible. We’re not sure why you see it in every zombie movie, but it stands to reason that the only thing worse than a zombie is a flaming zombie. Remember, it can take a long time for a zombie to burn to death – more than ten minutes, in some recorded cases. Do you really want a burning zombie lighting you and your friends on fire? Play it safe – chances are good that there won’t be any fire-fighting infrastructure during a zombie outbreak if things get out of hand.

9. Don’t get sentimental. Zombies won’t. Sure, it’s your house. Sure, they were your family and friends. But now it’s a zombie nest, and they’re zombies. Stick around, and your best chance is to become zombie food – worst case, you’ll end up a zombie like the rest. Zombies don’t have any feelings – neither should you.

8. Don’t forget to shut the door behind you. Zombies often come over without calling first. Were you born in a barn? Zombies might not be the brightest, but they know an open door when they see one. Keep your suburban zombie fortress secure by remembering to close and lock the door behind you. And don’t slam it either! Zombies hate that.

7. Don’t keep zombies in the basement. Even if they are your zombie family. Devotion to family and friends is touching. However, you don’t want them to be touching you, after they’re dead. Do yourself a favor and make sure you put zombie friends and family down properly. Remember, there is no zombie cure, and keeping them around only prolongs their suffering and increases the risk for everyone. Besides, do you really want to get eaten by your buddies?

6. Don’t try to reunite with friends / family over long distances. Seems like a great idea, doesn’t it? That’s what everyone thinks. Look, do the math. If you leave your house at noon, heading toward your mum’s, traveling 3 km per hour, and a crowd of zombies leaves the general vicinity of your mum’s at the same time, heading toward you at 1 km per hour, what time will you get eaten by zombies? Skip the math and consult rule #9.

5. Don’t go down. Zombies can go down too. Zombies can’t climb. You can. In light of this, why would you ever choose to go down, rather than up? Stay out of basements, gullies, sewers, and anyplace else that zombies might unwittingly wander / fall into and be unable to get out of. Remember, it’s unlikely that a human would be in a sewer, but zombies don’t care a whit about the smell.

4. Don’t broadcast your presence. Zombies may be listening. Zombies that still retain their ears have been statistically shown to have above-average recognition of bassline frequencies. If you absolutely must blast music while killing zombies, do it on your Ipod, and you might want to consider delaying that block party until after the zombie outbreak blows over. During a zombie outbreak, remember to turn your cell phone to vibrate – it’s only polite.

3. Don’t stand in front of the window. That’s just foolish. You’d think this one didn’t require stating, but apparently it does. Windows are an aesthetic defense against the environment, not protection against zombies and the living dead. Once you find your fortress, barricade the windows as quickly as possible and stay the hell away from them. Whatever you do, don’t deliver speeches with your back to them.

2. Don’t get too creative with zombie defense. Sure, chainsaw slits in your van seemed like a good idea at the time, before you filled your car with fumes and exhaust, passed out at the wheel and got yourself sawed in half. The temptation to get very creative with zombie dispatching can seem almost unbearable at times, but when it comes to killing zombies, that old adage applies: Keep it simple, stupid!

1. Don’t be “that one asshole,” in your group. Textual analysis of zombie movies has proven that “that one asshole,” a character ubiquitous in zombie and survival horror movies, only stands a 4.32% chance of surviving until the end of the movie.

Later studies have challenged that figure, citing several movies in which “that one asshole” was one-upped by “the other, bigger asshole,” who then assumed “that one asshole” status.

Good luck Freaks!

-The POTR

Time to form a new Z.E.R.O. team

The Pissed Off Tree Rat — Tue, 23 Aug 2011 14:57:33 +0000

After departing my beloved Zombie emergency Response Operations Z.E.R.O. Team-Kansas, for my move to Maryland, I’ve gone to work seeding a new team to stem the coming Zombie threat to our very existance. While the Z.E.R.O.-Maryland is still in the infancy stage, I have noted a trend forming. Z.ER.R.O.-Maryland is shaping up to be ALL Women Warriors for the coming Z-War! That’s right Freaks. The Pissed Off Tree Rat is now beginning to train his first band of Zombie Slaying Valkeries. Hot damn this is new and exciting. While some of the TTPs may change, the battle remains the same. Be prepared or be eaten and Allons-Y!

The Rat is back!

The Pissed Off Tree Rat — Thu, 04 Aug 2011 17:26:36 +0000

After nearly a month of driving around this great nation I’m re-nested in Maryland and ready to reload The Pissed Off Tree Rat. Last time I was in Maryland was almost 18 years ago and they’ve manged to make the guns laws an even bigger pain in the ass during that time. I’ve visited the DNR and the Police asking for a “owners guide to MD gun laws/hand out/cheat sheet etc…” and got funny looks in return. They just offered up a list of incomprehensible and conflicting state/local law websites that require a Law degree, and Phd in deciphering political gibberish, to even read let alone understand. The Police Sergeant actually said if I could figure them out I could come back and teach them a class. They did say my chance of getting a CCW from Maryland was about 0.01%. The only reason it’s even that high is they can’t refuse to accept the application, they just get to refuse to approve it 99.99% of the time. Schmucks.

The Pissed Off Tree Rat » Guns

Proper Kit for the Zombie Pandemic

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil

What do I have to say about the new year?

Your Holiday PSA: Disaster Preparedness Simulation Exercise – ZOMBIE ATTACK

End of the World Thought #2

End of the World Thought #1

Happy Eallra Hālgena ǣfen (Halloween) 2011 you Freaks!

Time to form a new Z.E.R.O. team

The Rat is back!

Happy Birthday to “Da Man” a.k.a Bruce Campbell

That’s right they call him “Bruce”, we call him “Da Man”.

You may now raise a toast to him you Freaks!

Happy Birthday Mr. Da Man!

June 22, 1958