It looks like I’ll be paying a visit to Utah next June. Guns, booze, zombies and plotting. I can’t wait!
Archive for the Zombie Category
Zombie DeCon 2012, the conspiracy grows…
Posted in Zombie with tags Zombie DeCon 2012 on 6 November 2011 by The Pissed Off Tree RatHappy Eallra Hālgena ǣfen (Halloween) 2011 you Freaks!
Posted in Guns, Zombie with tags basic zombie rules for everyman use, eallra halgena aefen, Squirrel Zombie Sniper on 31 October 2011 by The Pissed Off Tree RatWell folk’s it’s that time of year again and my 2010 post on this day still stands strong!
My mags are full and it’s time to bag me some fresh Eallra Hālgena ǣfen Zombies.
I, for one, will be following the BASIC ZOMBIE RULES FOR EVERYMAN USE tonight:
10. Don’t set zombies on fire. Burning zombies smell terrible. We’re not sure why you see it in every zombie movie, but it stands to reason that the only thing worse than a zombie is a flaming zombie. Remember, it can take a long time for a zombie to burn to death – more than ten minutes, in some recorded cases. Do you really want a burning zombie lighting you and your friends on fire? Play it safe – chances are good that there won’t be any fire-fighting infrastructure during a zombie outbreak if things get out of hand.
9. Don’t get sentimental. Zombies won’t. Sure, it’s your house. Sure, they were your family and friends. But now it’s a zombie nest, and they’re zombies. Stick around, and your best chance is to become zombie food – worst case, you’ll end up a zombie like the rest. Zombies don’t have any feelings – neither should you.
8. Don’t forget to shut the door behind you. Zombies often come over without calling first. Were you born in a barn? Zombies might not be the brightest, but they know an open door when they see one. Keep your suburban zombie fortress secure by remembering to close and lock the door behind you. And don’t slam it either! Zombies hate that.
7. Don’t keep zombies in the basement. Even if they are your zombie family. Devotion to family and friends is touching. However, you don’t want them to be touching you, after they’re dead. Do yourself a favor and make sure you put zombie friends and family down properly. Remember, there is no zombie cure, and keeping them around only prolongs their suffering and increases the risk for everyone. Besides, do you really want to get eaten by your buddies?
6. Don’t try to reunite with friends / family over long distances. Seems like a great idea, doesn’t it? That’s what everyone thinks. Look, do the math. If you leave your house at noon, heading toward your mum’s, traveling 3 km per hour, and a crowd of zombies leaves the general vicinity of your mum’s at the same time, heading toward you at 1 km per hour, what time will you get eaten by zombies? Skip the math and consult rule #9.
5. Don’t go down. Zombies can go down too. Zombies can’t climb. You can. In light of this, why would you ever choose to go down, rather than up? Stay out of basements, gullies, sewers, and anyplace else that zombies might unwittingly wander / fall into and be unable to get out of. Remember, it’s unlikely that a human would be in a sewer, but zombies don’t care a whit about the smell.
4. Don’t broadcast your presence. Zombies may be listening. Zombies that still retain their ears have been statistically shown to have above-average recognition of bassline frequencies. If you absolutely must blast music while killing zombies, do it on your Ipod, and you might want to consider delaying that block party until after the zombie outbreak blows over. During a zombie outbreak, remember to turn your cell phone to vibrate – it’s only polite.
3. Don’t stand in front of the window. That’s just foolish. You’d think this one didn’t require stating, but apparently it does. Windows are an aesthetic defense against the environment, not protection against zombies and the living dead. Once you find your fortress, barricade the windows as quickly as possible and stay the hell away from them. Whatever you do, don’t deliver speeches with your back to them.
2. Don’t get too creative with zombie defense. Sure, chainsaw slits in your van seemed like a good idea at the time, before you filled your car with fumes and exhaust, passed out at the wheel and got yourself sawed in half. The temptation to get very creative with zombie dispatching can seem almost unbearable at times, but when it comes to killing zombies, that old adage applies: Keep it simple, stupid!
1. Don’t be “that one asshole,” in your group. Textual analysis of zombie movies has proven that “that one asshole,” a character ubiquitous in zombie and survival horror movies, only stands a 4.32% chance of surviving until the end of the movie.
Later studies have challenged that figure, citing several movies in which “that one asshole” was one-upped by “the other, bigger asshole,” who then assumed “that one asshole” status.
Good luck Freaks!
-The POTR
That’s right it’s World Zombie Day
Posted in Zombie with tags warrior squirrel, world zombie day, Zombie Hunter on 8 October 2011 by The Pissed Off Tree RatTime to get off the damn porch, prepare yourself and join the fight already!
My family and team are locked and loaded. Are you?
Be prepared or be eaten Freaks!
For the lucky few………. Spring 2012
Posted in Zombie with tags Zombie DeCon 2012 on 15 September 2011 by The Pissed Off Tree RatIf you have to ask for details…………..
then you’re not one of the lucky few.
Time to form a new Z.E.R.O. team
Posted in Guns, Zombie with tags Women Warriors, Z-War, Zombie Emergency Response Operations (Z.E.R.O.), Zombie Slaying Valkeries on 23 August 2011 by The Pissed Off Tree RatAfter departing my beloved Zombie emergency Response Operations Z.E.R.O. Team-Kansas, for my move to Maryland, I’ve gone to work seeding a new team to stem the coming Zombie threat to our very existance. While the Z.E.R.O.-Maryland is still in the infancy stage, I have noted a trend forming. Z.ER.R.O.-Maryland is shaping up to be ALL Women Warriors for the coming Z-War! That’s right Freaks. The Pissed Off Tree Rat is now beginning to train his first band of Zombie Slaying Valkeries. Hot damn this is new and exciting. While some of the TTPs may change, the battle remains the same. Be prepared or be eaten and Allons-Y!
Happy Birthday to “Da Man” a.k.a Bruce Campbell
Posted in Guns, Zombie with tags happy birthday bruce campbell on 22 June 2011 by The Pissed Off Tree RatThat’s right they call him “Bruce”, we call him “Da Man”.
You may now raise a toast to him you Freaks!
Happy Birthday Mr. Da Man!
June 22, 1958
Just two questions:
Posted in Zombie with tags APC, Monster truck, OT 64, Zombie Apocalypse, Zombie Truck on 16 June 2011 by The Pissed Off Tree Rat1. Is it street legal (for pre-Apocalypse usage)? You need to be proficient in all vehicle operations prior to Z-Day right?
2. What drivers license class do I need to get?!
Ohhhhhh just in time for Father’s Day! Hini Hint Hint
MOVE OVER HUMMER!
The ultimate unstoppable transport vehicle on land or sea. Refurbished Soviet OT-64 decommissioned of all weapons. Carries up to 20 passengers on or off-road at speeds of about 65 MPH on road and 6 MPH through water. The amphibious propeller powered vehicle can cross rivers, lakes, and even navigate off-shore. These are incredible 8 x 8 wheeled, armored vehicles that can carry 18 people, plus a driver and a navigator.
Designed to withstand an electromagnetic impulse (EMP) from a nuclear blast and can be outfitted with NBC (nuclear, biological and chemical) filtration systems to continue to operate under extreme contamination conditions.
The OT-64 is superior to virtually any other armored executive vehicle, assuring you will get to your destination, when others cannot, with a standard range of 500 miles on one tank of fuel. Diesel powered V-8 engine, with nearly 200 HP drives this 27,000 pound vehicle across virtually any terrain.
Originally built by the Soviets, they have been completely re-furbished as needed including updating and replacing: all filters, fluids (engine, transmissions, axles, planetary drives, hydraulic propeller system, etc.); as well as the set of 8 tires, with a complete sandblasting of the exterior and fresh paint. Available in flat black, white or green.
SPECIFICATIONS:
For more information and current price quote, please contact us at: transport@terravivos.com Terravivos.com
Engine Layout: V8 Air Cooled Dimensions Length: 293 Inches
Engine Type: Tatra T-928-14 Dimensions Width: 100 Inches
Engine BHP: 180 Dimensions Height: 80.5 Inches
Engine Displacement: 11,760 cc Ground clearance: 18 Inches
Engine Torque: 550 Nm Tires: Bullet resistant, low velocity
Max Road Speed: 60 MPH Suspension Type: Independent adjustable
Max Off-Road Speed: 50 MPH Transmission: Wilson Planetary
Amphibious speed: 6 MPH Trench clearance: 79 Inches
Amphibious type: Screw Jet Weight Empty: 27,116 Pounds
Fuel consumption: 5.29 Gallons/Mile Brakes Type: Hydraulic
Fuel range: 441 Miles Axle hub type: Sun-and-planet gear type
Fuel type: Diesel Max ascent angle: 60 Degrees
Fuel Quantity: 84.5 Gallons Side slope: 30 Degrees
All amounts are approximate and subject to verification.
Remote dispatch from the field of the Z-War preparations #4
Posted in Zombie with tags World War Z, Z-War, Z.E.R.O., Zombie, Zombie Emergency Response Operations (Z.E.R.O.) on 28 May 2011 by The Pissed Off Tree Rat***REMOTE Z.E.R.O. DISPATCH***
***BE PREPARED OR BE EATEN***
At the bequest of my Deputy I have shifted my forward KS ZERO-Scout support mission to Death Valley. After 5 days on the ground I’ve had negative contact with the Zed menace but I have determined several things already:
1. This terrain is very conducive to long-range stand-off distances. I recommend the locals favor long rifle munitions stockage over mountains of 12 Guage ammo. While close quarters defense capability is still needed, the ability to detect and destroy at range should be top priority in the desert.
2. Folks who choose to live in Death Valley because it’s “beautiful and peaceful” have some fraking screws loose.
3. The Kansas winds are stronger, but the Mojave Desert winds suck the big crank even more. Kansas winds don’t fill your nose and eyes with rocks, sand, dirt and masses of abrasive crap.
4. Barstow CA is in dire need of a micro brewery. Beer selection here sucks a cold Zed’s ass.
-THE POTR OUT
Remote dispatch from the field of the Z-War preparations #3
Posted in Politics, Zombie with tags World War Z, Z-War, Z.E.R.O., Zombie, Zombie Emergency Response Operations (Z.E.R.O.) on 23 May 2011 by The Pissed Off Tree Rat***REMOTE Z.E.R.O. DISPATCH***
***BE PREPARED OR BE EATEN***
Still on the front. Delayed for 12 hours in my movement to the desert Southwest for some more extended ops. Damn weather has caused havoc on some good folks in the Midwest and my flights. My prayers go out to those who have lost loved ones. Unlike most of these other jack asses in the airport, I will wait patiently through my delays and not take my frustrations out on the airline employees. I am mature enough to know it’s not their fault. I save all my bottled fury for the living dead.
As I cruise the net sitting on my ass in the airport I just have to leave you with the following screen shot that caught my eye. Who knew he was Irish too? It’s a funny world sometimes.
-THE POTR OUT
Remote dispatch from the field of the Z-War preparations #2
Posted in General, Zombie with tags World War Z, Z-War, Z.E.R.O., Zombie, Zombie Emergency Response Operations (Z.E.R.O.) on 18 May 2011 by The Pissed Off Tree Rat***REMOTE Z.E.R.O. DISPATCH***
***BE PREPARED OR BE EATEN***
Texans, Texas, Texans………….. Ya gotta love em. RE: Dispatch #1. I’ve been getting to the root of the Central Texas issue. It’s not that they can’t recognize a zombie from a drunk dude. It’s just that they don’t care! Shoot first and let God sort em out SOP is in full effect. I’d make them run through flash card drills around the camp fire tonight, but they’re already two sheets to the wind on Shiner Bock and are now talking of raiding the local strip club. Tomorrow promises to be a better day. I hope…………….
-THE POTR OUT
